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I Would Gladly Forget How A Panic Attack Feels Like
Today I got my first panic attack in 5 years.
I was at an online conference in tort law. We were discussing how companies may be held liable for climate change.
In case you are not aware of it, it happened a month ago in the Netherlands where Shell, a renowned oil giant, was ordered to cut its CO2 emissions in half by 2030.
Once the last speaker finished her presentation, I texted a friend if she wanted to stop by at my place for a drink. I even put a beer emoji 🍻.
She replied, asking for time and details.
I panicked.
I just did.
Suddenly, I didn’t want anybody to see me.
I could feel violated by the mere thought of her eyes on me. Not the half bust you see on a Zoom call, the “flesh and bone me”, comprised of anything that anatomically goes below the neck.
As I pictured her entering the door, it felt like a home invasion.
My mind built Helm’s Deep around the fortress of my discomfort, and I faked my social death by avoiding entering Telegram.
